"From Pakala to Kealakekua: Being Gay in Hawaiʻi"
In 1996, Honolulu Weekly published an article titled "Local Outing: Gay Asian and Pacific Islander men are the focus of a Hawaiʻi State Library-hosted exhibit." The article, which included several examples of the courageous participants seen below, said: "The photos, disarmingly sweet, portray Asians and Pacific Islanders. Locals. Gay men smiling and framed by tropical greenery; looking out of whitewashed wooden windows; at home in Hawaii."
The exhibit, conceived by John Kim, an HIV educator for the Life Foundation, and realized by photographer Jon M. Fujiwara, was titled "From Pakala to Kealakekua: Being Gay in Hawaiʻi." The Honolulu Weekly article said that "it serves to vitalize and bolster an underexposed community in Hawaiʻi: gay men of Asian and Pacific Islander heritage."
About pulling the project together, John Kim remembered: "When I approached people to be in the project, they didn't want to call attention to themselves as an individual, apart from the community. That's not very 'local style.' And men I never even suspected, like guys from Kapaʻa, Kauaʻi, showed interest in doing it. They said things that are real commonalities among all gay men - what they find comfort in. They have family, they have friends, and they have deep, committed relationships."
Wesley: Social Worker - Kauai
I grew up in Waipouli, a small beach town in the Kapaa district. I had a pretty happy childhood. When Jon came around to take the picture, I was working on the farm that day, and I was in my working clothes. And I said, “What the hell?” I felt, you know, it’s me in my environment, that’s how I am. I live on my uncle’s farm. We grow bananas and taro. I raise orchids with my mom.
Sex wasn’t something that was talked about in the home. It wasn’t prohibited, it just wasn’t mentioned. There was always an attraction to men, and when I started going through adolescence, I started noticing men more and that I wasn’t going crazy over women like some of my peers were. In school there were mahu, openly gay, like women, you know. Although later on, after graduation, I found out that there were athletes too, friends of mine, that I didn’t know were gay!
Hawaii is ready for this, just like the same-sex marriage issue, yeah? That’s our style. Discrimination is not good in any form. In Hawaii we’ve gone through so many of the racial issues. I mean, so many people are intermarried - sure, we make fun about our differences, our ethnic backgrounds, bu that’s OK, because verybody is a little bit of something, yeah? It’s like, you make fun of yourself at the same time, yeah? … I think this project will get the same response. This project provides awareness, an avenue likning local gays to other gays, but also mahu to, like, everybody. Different, but all together, yeah? Like a rainbow. We are Hawaii.
Besides, guilt and repression are very dangerous. I feel society’s repression against gays affects people like a dam blocking a river: When repressed people have sex, you know, they’re going to have it, and when it comes out, it’s like a dam breaking. They cruise parks, alleys, have high-risk sex. But when people feel good self-esteem, like they belong, it’s like a river running smoothly, naturally. No damage, yeah?
I grew up on Kauai. I was raised Catholic and became Pentecostal. It was very oppressive - I dared not tell anybody about my “gay” feelings, I wasn’t raised in religion, actually; I chose religion - I chose to be that way to counteract my feelings of being gay. I could talk to nobody. The stronger my feelings, the stronger I got into my religion.
I actually wanted to become a minister. Being “the good boy” and being “religious,” and on the other hand having these sexual feelings that wouldn’t go away. And eventually I came to suicide. Actually, religion helped me there - in the sense of I chose not to kill myself, God has a better purpose for me.
I finally came out when I was living in California. I was the age of 21, and I had a sexual experience in college, and when the college found out … Well, acutally they didn’t find out, I told them. I came to them with this problem about the “sick” feelings - “I need help, I’m not sure what to do” - and since it was against their policy, they kicked me out. Yea, that helped! I’m very thankful they did! Because what happened was, I was able to release myself from the oppression of religion and explore other ideas, other people, with different pictures of life.
I don’t feel that I had to fight nature to be this way. God intended me to be this way. We are created in His image. And I’m more happy now that I’m natural. I feel very close to God.
Jason: Social Worker - Kauai
I knew I was gay since I was 5 years old. I grew up on a pineapple plantation in Waihiwa. I had a mother, father, four brothers, three sisters. Early they knew I was gay. I would play more gentle with the other children. I loved to dance, you know. But my family loved me for it. My family were so accepting.
I never knew the word “fag” or “queer.” We never used the word “mahu.” The plantation had these Filipino workers, and they would have their own village where they stayed, single men, and I would visit them. And I had a nice time. These Filipino men were really nice men, real gentle men. And they were really very nice to me, actually.
But I dated a lot of girls in school. I had a lot of girlfriends. When I was about 16, I had my first experience in the guava patches. As a matter of fact, I just saw her, in Waimea, three weeks ago. And we got so embarrassed, yeah? And she knows I’m mahu now. And like the first thing we said was, “Yeah, I remember the guava patch.”
I’ve been with Robert for 17 years. All the people up my road know Robert and I; they invite us to their house, they have us over for parties. In fact, when I’m over and Robert isn’t there, they’ll say, “Keoni, where’s your other half?” And I’ll feel a little embarrassed, like that. And if I’m in town with someone else, they’ll say, “Are you having a nice evening?” “Yes,” “Where’s Robert?” And they look at this other guy, like, thinking I’m with this other person. And I’ll say, “Oh Sharon, this is my friend Steve. We’re just out tonight.” And they’ll say, “Oh. Well, are you going to be good tonight?” “Of course! This is just my friend!” “Well, you better, or else I’m going to tell Robert.” They’re so cute!
I’m proudest about my relationship. And, of course, my career with the airlines for over 20 years. And after I retired, you know, I always wanted to be a nurse. I am a nurse now - four years now! And my hula, of course.
You know, I was reading in an article about what is a gay lifestyle and what is a heterosexual lifestyle. Oh, there is really no “style.” There is really no difference.
Keoni: Retired Flight Attendant, Nurse, Proprietor of B&B - Big Island
Don’s partner chose not to be photographed. He explains: “I can imagine a time, maybe soon, when I am out to my family and it’s all fine, they will love me. But I don’t want to come out to my family this way - in this project or in the newspaper. Right now they don’t know. I think it would most hurt my grandmother.
My mother is Filipino and my father is Scottish. I was born in the Philippines, so that makes me first-generation American. Growing up gay in South Carolina, gay guys in high school were treated as bad as anyone who was different, you know, like overweight or whatever. So I didn’t come out until I was in college.
Now I’m just me. I like being able to sleep at night knowing who I am. I’m very lucky where I work. I have [my partner’s] picture on my desk, and when there are staff functions, it’s always “Bring your partner,” and not “Bring your wife,” you know?
We’re not different from anyone else - just who we choose to fall in love with. It’s just one aspect of your whole being. A lot of people just put too much emphasis on that. We’re your neighbors, who want the same things in life as everyone else: to have happy relationships, to be successful, to live a good life.
Asians have a lot of other issues to deal with, and sexuality shouldn’t be their biggest issue. There are lots of Filipinos just like me. I’m not the CEO of Bank of Hawaii, but I have a very worthwhile position in a great organization. I’m Filipino and I’m gay.
I hope if a Filipino who has an attraction to other men sees this exhibit, he realizes he’s normal, and now he can spend his time worrying about school or his career, rather than whether or not he’s normal or weird.
Don Kyles & partner: Info Systems Manager - Oahu
Story adapted by Joe Wilson